I have a vague memory of being in math class as a little girl, and the teacher telling me that I went about getting the answer the really really long way, but at least I got there. I do that with cooking, too. In fact, I think I do that with most things, driving is another good example. So, I bought a spagetti squash at the grocery store (my old roommate, Hi Ann
, used to get spaghetti squash and I really liked it). When I got home I realized that I didn't know how to cook it. Like any normal 26-year old who never learned how to cook, I googled it. Google is my new cookbook. It's so easy to just type in "how to cook spaghetti squash" and have the whole spaghetti squash lovers world at my fingertips. I love the internet. Anyway, I clicked on the first one, and then later learned out I could have boiled it, or microwaved it, but no, I waited 30 minutes for the toaster oven to finally heat up to 375 (some days it doesn't work at all), and then another hour to cook. But you know what? It was good, I really enjoyed it, and will probably purchase another one. And this evening, after EGS (which was amazing, there was a mass exodus of people running to the front to dance...and I was in the middle of a row and missed out...but it was still wonderful), I finally decided to 'finish' my painting. Just hold on to the fact that I am not an artist.
My imagination and creativity is flowing, it's just that I lack the skill. Well, the past couple of days have been awesome. The Lord has been teaching me a lot about grace. Things that I haven't really meditated on before, which is unfortunate because I've missed a lot of who God is. But He opened a door for me to gaze into, and my soul is being comforted, and my heart is being changed. It's what Allen Hood calls 'beholding/becoming,' what you behold is what you become. What you look at, what you gaze at, what you meditate on, what you ponder on, what you devote yourself to, you become like it. Which of course, is why it is so important to guard our eyes and our hearts. We have to watch what we devote ourselves to. You are what you eat (I am not saying that I am squash). When working at Maryhurst (which some of you don't know...is a residentional treament center for girls) I saw so many things that are 'normal' for teens to invest their time in...and I have to say, it was stuff that made me blush, or gag. It was so powerful to see how these things affected their minds, and how they were tormented. From music, to movies, to pictures, to books, oh my, the books that they would read.
There is a war for our souls. It's up to our soul to decide if we are going to agree with God, or with the enemy. The enemy is trying to steal our souls, and he is a liar, he is the father of lies, he decieves, he tricks, he's 'crafty' in his lies, to get you to believe him over God. Think about that. You. The enemy wants to steal your soul. So, he is doing whatever he can to get you into compromise. To think that your decisions are not that important. Music, for example. We think, oh, it's just music. Well, I like how one of the Ihop worship-leaders put it in our small-group briefing the other day, "Worship leaders took Satan's place. He fell from heaven, so humans have filled his role as worship leaders. And Satan is mad because worship leaders are ushering in his prison sentence." Satan doesn't want us to be led by worship in music, he wants us to compromise in music so that we don't worship. Not that all secular music is wrong, but like Mike Bickle said, "There is a spirit behind music, you need to know which one."
The past couple of weeks have been so good. Actually, I have been here for a month now. Wild. I'm not going to lie, I'm ready to come home...as most of you know. God has me here, for this season, on purpose. I am happy to say that I don't feel called to stay here. The other day I realized that I felt like I was 'fasting' from home, because I was so empty inside of the presence of Louisville that I actually felt lovesick for Louisville. And when I come home, it's going to be so good. Though Kansas City has taken up some residence in my heart, it's just not 'home.'
So, here are some verses that God breathed on for me today. If they don't strike you as incredible, ask God to breathe on them. They came alive to me today, and I cried. I am so thankful for Jesus. For grace. I've been a Christian for 9 years this month, and I think I might finally be getting some of this 'grace' stuff.
Romans 5:16 The gift of God is not like the result of the one man's sin (Adam): the judgment followed one sin AND brough condemnation, BUT the gift of God followed many tresspasses AND brought justification.
5:15 (my paraphrase) If mans sin caused judgment to many, how much MORE would an eternally glad God's grace overflow to many!
God's gift followed sin, it came after Jesus was murdered. But because He was the final sin offering, when we say yes to Him, we are counted blameless in His sight...because God only sees us through the finished work of the cross, through the blood of Jesus, through the rainbow of mercy around His throne. That's a good God. I am surprised that I used to not want Him. I'm surprised that there are still parts of my flesh that reject Him. But He's good, He deals with me lovingly and graciously. I was talking to God about this today. I asked Him how do I love Him with all of my heart and soul...and go figure, tonight's teaching at EGS was called "How to love God with all your soul." Mike talked a lot about humility, and how humility is like love, and that humility is expressed through our speech. Wow. I won't give you point by point notes, but it was intense for me. But here is one..."Love grows in us as we are moved by Jesus' humility as we see the story of how He treats us. To love God with all our soul speaks of loving with our personality in deep humility. This is expressed most dynamically by our speech. We set our heart to express ourselves and to communicate in a way taht enhances and not diminishes love. When the Spirit is grieved, we do not receive from Him in the same measure. What we say enhances or quenches our ability to lvoe Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit. And nobody impact your Spirit more than your own words. Speech needs to be under the leadership of the Holy Spirit. Speech is a windown into the soul."
We also went over Session 2 of the Omega Course today...wow. I really want to type a whole lot of notes here, but I am thinking it's really heavy and deep and serious...so I am going to stop here for the night. I will leave you with the chorus of this Rick Pino song I am listening to (Tyler or Adrienne, what is the name of this song?)...
Your love is like the ocean
I'm drowning in your presence
I'm getting lost in the gaze of your eyes
I'm getting lost in the warmth of your smile
Hmmm, yeah, He is so good.
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