Grace and Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was wonderful. The Shao family invited over a bunch of people who needed a family for the holiday. It was definitely full of blessings. This first picture is of Nemo and Sarah digging into the turkey, stuffing, sushi, curry, and potato's! Nemo, as you can see, is definitely enjoying it!

The second is one of my friends Hueng, wearing Alice's slippers, haha, he is such a funny guy. The next is Abby, my friends Michael and Claudia's little girl. Yeah, she is just absolutely adorable, especially while nibbling on...a turkey bone?! YUP! The last one should actually go first, but that was when Jess was getting ready to dish it out. So good. We had so many great conversations, laughs, and fellowship. We were all very blessed.

The Lord has been doing something new in my heart. I don't yet have words for it. I am seeing a divide in some of my beliefs about God. They don't completely match up to Truth. Which, we ALL ALWAYS have areas that are in darkness and need some Truth on them. So, I am literally

just waiting on God, reading the Word, because there is

nothing that I can do to change my heart, except ask God to change it, and as Mike Bickle puts it, I have to "keep doing what He says is love, until I feel it."

That's the cool thing, though. Though I am struggling in some areas, I see how I have Hope. My present situation and heart condition is frustrating, but I don't want to remain there. I know that God has changed me in the past, and He is faithful, He wouldn't not change me again. He is so good, because there have been days lately where I just don't feel like I have the strength to fight some things coming against me, and I can just be real with Him. I have literally just had conversations with the Lord where I've said things like, "Lord, I have NOTHING right now, absolutely nothing, it has to be you doing something, because in my frailness I cannot do anything. I cannot even breathe without You first calling it into existence."

In worship the other morning, we sang "Majesty," by Delirious?. The chorus of that song has always affected me. It actually was one of the first songs that touched something so deep inside of me, that it made me realize that there had to be more to God than what I was presently walking in. My deeper journey with God, really began with this song. They even played it at by baptism on Saturday, which was a very personal touch from the Lord for me. The small, simple chorus is this:

Majesty,

Your grace has found me just as I am,

Empty handed, but alive in Your hand.

The whole song is awesome, but this few lines have just been resonating in my heart the past couple of days. His grace has found me just as I am, I am very empty handed, but somehow completely alive. I am so aware of my need of grace, that there is nothing that I have worthy of a King, yet because He tells me I'm beautiful, I have my heart to give Him. It's His heart, anyway. He allowed me to do whatever I want with it, with the desire that I would give it back to Him. I said yes, and there is nothing more beautiful to Him than the one, no matter how broken or confused, can muster up a 'yes.'

I feel I am entering into a new place of receiving and understanding grace. Not excusing my sin, but not remaining in self-condemnation, either. I chew on these words written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer from "The Cost of Discipleship." :

It is imperative for the Christian to achieve renunciation, to practice self-effacement, to distinguish his life from the life of the world. He must let grace be grace indeed, otherwise he will destroy the worlds faith in the free gift of grace.

Cheap grace means the justification of the sin without the justification of the sinner...cheap grace is the grace we bestow upon ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance...cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ living and incarnate.

Costly grace is the pearl of great price to buy, which the merchant will sell all his goods...it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him. Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which we must knock. SUCH GRACE IS COSTLY BECAUSE IT CALLS US TO FOLLOW, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner.

I never got past this part in the book, because this has so affected me, and I have been chewing on it for years now. These statements started breaking down the walls of my works-mentality, and I am still chewing, awaiting another level of bricks to be knocked over.

Well, Ihop is great. I am going to be sad to leave, but happy to be home. There are things that He is telling me that are just going to spring to life, and it's going to be intense. I know it.