Oh, where to begin???

I just have to settle the issue that I cannot even being to write out everything that God is doing. I just cannot do it. But I can promise you that I will never be the same. When you encounter God, you are chemically transformed.

One of my biggest struggles with God is receiving what He says about me. But He has made it very clear to me that I am here to receive from Him. Well, the Lord has been telling me a lot of things these past few days. Things about who He created me to be. Things about my future. Things about the future. There are things He is searing into my soul that are in a dimension un-writeable. I will just say that it is really impacting my heart that I was not created for myself, for a life that fits nicely into a house with a white-picket fence, a soccer-mom van, and 2 1/2 kids and a dog. Which, I may have those things, but my purpose and value in life is not defined by those things. It's such a humbling thing to recognize that Eternity is awaiting you. To reign and rule with the "star breathing God," as Louie Giglio puts it. The forerunner in me has been awaiting to be birthed, and it's happening. This thing in me is starting to breathe. It's life is recognizable to me in a way I have never seen it before.

Just in this past week, God told me that I needed to really read and study the Word. That there is something very specific about me reading the Word (more on this in the future). I must do it. How do you feed others without the Bread of Life? So, He told me to 'eat the scroll.' I think that is from Jeremiah. It's really time to meditate on it. Another area that God has been inviting me to commune with Him, is in singing the Word. Well, I don't actually really even like my voice that much. It's not a singing voice, I promise. But the Lord reminded me of when I was a little girl, I would sing all the time. I would just sing about what I was doing. Washing dishes, taking a shower, walking, swinging at the playground...I would make up songs. After I encountered the Holy Spirit, I noticed that I had songs inside of me that would pierce my own heart when I sang them, often I would fall on my knees and cry. But for whatever reason, I guess the lack of natural gifting, I stopped singing to Jesus. Well, that changed...yesterday. I was at the park (which is where the pictures are from) and I heard one word in my Spirit, and God told me to sing it. So I opened my mouth to sing it, and a whole phrase around that one word came out. And of course, revelation hit me. And so, I decided it was time to start singing again. Ha, one of the many names for Ihop is the 'Singing Seminary.' Because we sing the Word, and that's how we learn it.

Today the whole Intro class was assigned to go into the prophecy rooms. Honestly, I didn't expect much, because everyone keeps giving me the same word. That I am here to rest, to hear God's voice...all that stuff. Well, it was much different than I expected. I was told that I would speak words that unify the church. That I would be like a painter who is painting a deck with a finish. The finish makes it shiny, but also makes it resistant to bad weather. That's what my words will do for the church. That I will have a voice to settle disputes in the church. One lady, who actually cried as she gave me this word, said that I had the gift of the Spirit of Counsel, wisdom beyond my years. That I would lay a foundation for young girls in the knowledge of God. I was also told that I was created with much creativity and expression. The guy said that he saw that I was holding back my expression, but that I was created to use it, to speak and to express. There was a lot more, so if you are interested, you'll just have to hear the tape. Elizabeth and I listened to my old tape that I got a couple of weeks ago (we found a tape player that works) and it was SOO STINKING FUNNY. Jesus is just so funny with me. One of the words I got was that God is fine-tuning my ability to hear His voice, like when you have a radio and you are turning the dial to find the right station. Well, what was so funny was that the tape wasn't working right, and the voices were really sloooooooooooooow, and deeeeeeeep. So Elizabeth and I were barely able to keep our eyes open because we were laughing so hard. I said something that was really funny, I wish I could share it, but I forgot what it was. Haha.

Anyway, when we came out of the prophecy rooms, and to my amazement, Misty Edwards was sitting at the keyboard. I got so excited, because she hasn't been in the prayer room for quite some time. And she was just randomly there. She sang a 2-hour set by herself, and it was simply amazing. It ministered to me so much. She was singing exact phrases and concepts that God and I have been talking about the past couple of weeks. Here are some of them:

All I want to do is find you, all I want to do is stay there when I do (I have been telling Jesus that for a while now, especially this season)
Pearl of great price (prophesied over me about 3 weeks ago)
Mercies new every morning (prophesied yesterday that that verse was for me to get, and wake up to every morning)
I will offer up to you my brokenness because what you see in me is my only confidence (I am getting revelation of this now)
You clothe me in righteousness (yesterday, there is a story, but it pertains to this specific season I am in)
What does love look like, I've been pondering (um, there are entries in my journal, just asking God what does love really look like?)
In the midnight hour, go out to meet Him (I've been up in the midnight hours unable to sleep)
I'm looking for a friend to read the Book
Somebody tell them I'm coming!
Eat the scroll! Take a decade or two and eat the scroll!
He is the answer, we need a judge! (I've been asking God to judge my unrighteousness, so that I can be pure).

So, tonight's teaching on end-times was a lot about singers, musicians...and songwriters. And how they are the 'tip of the arrow' that will pierce the enemy. I didn't think it had anything to do with me. But then God reminded me of the songs. That there are songs so deep inside of me. They had a time of prayer for worship leaders, including song-writers, so I went up. And I never felt more like myself, than being in the company of worshipers. It was awesome. A woman came and prayed/prophesied over me. And what did she say? That I was to eat/digest the Word. Then God gave me some specifics of things that I am supposed to do/read to bring this to life.
I really do just want Jesus. The teaching last night was about how we can't just pursue love. We have to pursue Jesus, and the love follows. Pursuing Jesus is where we are filled with love. The Man Jesus. I have to know Him. Nothing else is going to satisfy me. Not Ihop, not Louisville, not family, not friends (I love you guys!). Just Jesus. Everything else is bonus. I am just seeing something that I have never seen before. About me, about people, about life, about what is really going on, and I am being reminded of so many promises that God gave me several years ago. Wow, He is so good. And I just see that there is so much change coming. Love it.

So, here is a fun video I took while out on a walk. I laughed. God is funny with me.

Just in case you decide to read this Keith, I hope you had a happy birthday!