My dog did NOT eat my homework, I JUST DIDN'T DO IT!

I am constantly aware that there is much that I want to blog about. I approach my laptop, attempt to write, and then get overwhelmed. What's a little frustrating is that, as I sit in my contemplation of so much information, I realize that tomorrow the information I just attained today will be added onto. So, what do I write about? I have spent a lot of my writing on my personal journey, with very few of the things I am learning outside of myself. But then again, I'm not sure that I can really separate them. Because I have a personal testimony in the Lord, I am a part of Him, and what He is doing.


EGS tonight was amazing. Of course it was. It was awesome. We were taught on Revelation 17, Satan's strategy to deceive the church. And just as there are forerunners for the second coming of Jesus, there are already forerunners for those who will highly exult Satan's worship movement. Basically, Satan's plan to deceive the church is to raise up his own 'justice movement.' But like Mike said in his sermon tonight, "The devil feeds the poor, because it's good for business." There will be the anti-Christ, and then the harlot Babylon. Babylon being an actual one world religion, and probably an actual place, as well. The anti-Christ will fund this one world religion (which will actually be the wealthiest religion of all time, it will have the 'appearance of dignity' and serves horrible things to the people though it will look like a good thing she is doing-Rev. 17:1-4), he will support her...for a while. He is actually using her for his own purposes. The anti-Christ turns on her and then forces the people that worship this religion, to worship himself, claiming that he is God. Those in tune with the heart of God will be prophesying about this, standing up for Truth that Jesus is the only way, and she will persecute them, and many saints will be killed. The interesting thing about this, is that when it finally happens, those who denied the prophecies now have the opportunity to turn their hearts back to God upon seeing that the prophecies were correct.


We can actually see in our culture this end-time 'justice-movement,' with people crying out for tolerance. This tolerance gospel scares me, because tolerance is only trying to be God to justify ourselves. It is so scary because it will get to the point where nothing is wrong, there will be no absolute truth. Mike said this, "This time will require great endurance to stand for Truth, because everything will be 'acceptable,' 'all paths lead to God.' There will be no absolute truth to keep them from worshipping Satan as an angel of light." We will be protected from this only by staying in the Word, and having no compromise, by not creating our own agenda's and not watering down the fact that Jesus is the only way. The Jesus of the Bible. "The end-time battle is the battle for the truth of who Jesus is. He is FULLY God."


I love justice. I am drawn to justice, but justice is what God says it is. Because He is the Creator of what is good, righteous, and just. Like everyone, I have made my own assumptions about what is just, according to my own circumstances. Then I started having encounters with the heart of God. I justified sin because my heart didn't want to acknowledge my state of brokenness, and I didn't want to be wrong. Because I didn't want to feel guilty. I believe that we justify so many things to separate ourselves from guilt. But Jesus died for the guilt. Here is where we come into the face of grace again. Costly grace (Bonhoeffer) is costly because we have to get up and be seen, but it's grace because it's Jesus. We have to acknowledge we are wrong, but HE IS SO GOOD. He doesn't justify our sin, making us His equal in perfection. He forgives our sin, making us His equal in perfection. He shows us how to let go: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing." He says, forgive others and yourself, only then can you receive grace.


From one who used to justify all my sin...it feels SO GOOD, SO FREEING, to acknowledge my sin, not fight to make excuses for myself, and to live in forgiveness!! How can you live free if you are always having to think of excuses????? You are NOT FREE, you are in bondage to thoughts of false justification to protect your broken heart. That hurts my brain just thinking about it. If that's the case, we might as well just say, "my dog ate my homework" for every sin we commit. Because it's SO OBVIOUS that it's an excuse.

I don't care what you've done, or how you got to the darkest places in your life, I forgive you. I extend forgiveness to you, and invite you to forgive those who caused you to fear and shut your heart off. Jesus is good. He isn't mad or disappointed, the only thing He gets angry about is when His temple is desecrated in ANY way. And YOU are His temple. He just says "Come, and we'll talk about it over a cup of coffee, or grape juice..."

I feel like this is a blog-sermon, and here is the altar call. Really, unforgiveness eats away at you if not confessed. Feel free to email me if you want to just get something in the open to begin the process of forgiveness. Maybe I can help, or lead you to someone who can help.

Grace and Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was wonderful. The Shao family invited over a bunch of people who needed a family for the holiday. It was definitely full of blessings. This first picture is of Nemo and Sarah digging into the turkey, stuffing, sushi, curry, and potato's! Nemo, as you can see, is definitely enjoying it!

The second is one of my friends Hueng, wearing Alice's slippers, haha, he is such a funny guy. The next is Abby, my friends Michael and Claudia's little girl. Yeah, she is just absolutely adorable, especially while nibbling on...a turkey bone?! YUP! The last one should actually go first, but that was when Jess was getting ready to dish it out. So good. We had so many great conversations, laughs, and fellowship. We were all very blessed.

The Lord has been doing something new in my heart. I don't yet have words for it. I am seeing a divide in some of my beliefs about God. They don't completely match up to Truth. Which, we ALL ALWAYS have areas that are in darkness and need some Truth on them. So, I am literally

just waiting on God, reading the Word, because there is

nothing that I can do to change my heart, except ask God to change it, and as Mike Bickle puts it, I have to "keep doing what He says is love, until I feel it."

That's the cool thing, though. Though I am struggling in some areas, I see how I have Hope. My present situation and heart condition is frustrating, but I don't want to remain there. I know that God has changed me in the past, and He is faithful, He wouldn't not change me again. He is so good, because there have been days lately where I just don't feel like I have the strength to fight some things coming against me, and I can just be real with Him. I have literally just had conversations with the Lord where I've said things like, "Lord, I have NOTHING right now, absolutely nothing, it has to be you doing something, because in my frailness I cannot do anything. I cannot even breathe without You first calling it into existence."

In worship the other morning, we sang "Majesty," by Delirious?. The chorus of that song has always affected me. It actually was one of the first songs that touched something so deep inside of me, that it made me realize that there had to be more to God than what I was presently walking in. My deeper journey with God, really began with this song. They even played it at by baptism on Saturday, which was a very personal touch from the Lord for me. The small, simple chorus is this:

Majesty,

Your grace has found me just as I am,

Empty handed, but alive in Your hand.

The whole song is awesome, but this few lines have just been resonating in my heart the past couple of days. His grace has found me just as I am, I am very empty handed, but somehow completely alive. I am so aware of my need of grace, that there is nothing that I have worthy of a King, yet because He tells me I'm beautiful, I have my heart to give Him. It's His heart, anyway. He allowed me to do whatever I want with it, with the desire that I would give it back to Him. I said yes, and there is nothing more beautiful to Him than the one, no matter how broken or confused, can muster up a 'yes.'

I feel I am entering into a new place of receiving and understanding grace. Not excusing my sin, but not remaining in self-condemnation, either. I chew on these words written by Dietrich Bonhoeffer from "The Cost of Discipleship." :

It is imperative for the Christian to achieve renunciation, to practice self-effacement, to distinguish his life from the life of the world. He must let grace be grace indeed, otherwise he will destroy the worlds faith in the free gift of grace.

Cheap grace means the justification of the sin without the justification of the sinner...cheap grace is the grace we bestow upon ourselves. Cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance...cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ living and incarnate.

Costly grace is the pearl of great price to buy, which the merchant will sell all his goods...it is the call of Jesus Christ at which the disciple leaves his nets and follows him. Costly grace is the gospel which must be sought again and again and again, the gift which must be asked for, the door at which we must knock. SUCH GRACE IS COSTLY BECAUSE IT CALLS US TO FOLLOW, and it is grace because it calls us to follow Jesus Christ. It is costly because it condemns sin, and grace because it justifies the sinner.

I never got past this part in the book, because this has so affected me, and I have been chewing on it for years now. These statements started breaking down the walls of my works-mentality, and I am still chewing, awaiting another level of bricks to be knocked over.

Well, Ihop is great. I am going to be sad to leave, but happy to be home. There are things that He is telling me that are just going to spring to life, and it's going to be intense. I know it.

Baptized!

This picture is of me and my friend Sarah, as we were preparing to usher in the prayer room. Thankfully, it was the last day we were signed up to do it (though we still have at least one more EGS service to usher, and I still usher every Sunday morning). I find it hard to usher, because I want to be in my own little world with Jesus, and when ushering you have to have on your "what-are-the-people-doing" radar.

Here's the cool story:
I met the Lord when I was 16 years old. At Ihop, they encourage you to look at your prophetic history in the Lord and compare how it lines up to Ihop's prophetic history. I was born in the fall of 1982, and it was that next spring that the Lord spoke to Mike Bickle about 24/7 prayer and worship, so maybe 7 months after I was born (which also happened to be when my family moved from Germany to the states). I don't remember the exact day, but I was saved in September of 1999, and Ihop started in September of 1999. Somewhere in all of this, it's my prophetic history. I truly feel that intercessors had something to do with my first encounter with Jesus.

I was attending Westport Road Church of Christ with my friend Allison, my senior year in high school, 1999. We went to an Acqurie the Fire youth conference, and the Holy Spirit encountered my heart. My heart was very deceived at that time, and I didn't think that anythign in my lfie needed changing...because I was 'good.' One thing that I did know that first night, was that I was a missionary. I remember that clearly. Laying in my bed that night, I knew that my life was going to be spent to some capacity on the mission field. I also had visions that night of the cross, though I didn't really understand what was going on. I thought it was just my imagination, but looking back now, I see that it was the Lord.

Baptism, being highly emphasized in the Church of Christ, was my first step into this life as a Christian. I am thankful for my baptism, and do not doubt it's validity in any way shape or form. For the past 2 1/2 years, I have been mentored at an inner-healing ministry, where I learned much about the darkness in my heart. Over the past year or so, I have thought several times about being baptized. Wondering if I needed to be, since I had finally repented. Being in the prayer room 22 hours a week, I have had a lot of time to ask the Lord what sorts of things He wanted me to do. Baptism came up after He told me this was a season of "true repentance," and then we had a speaker come to talk to us about baptism and I just knew it was time. So, on Saturday, November 22nd, I got baptized! It was pretty neat. There were about 10 of us, we went through about 3 hours of teaching, and ministry time, and then got baptized. The second we stepped out of this huge tub that we were immersed in, a group of people were waiting for each of us to prophesy over us. That was sooo cool. They spoke over me things that I haven't actually talked to a whole lot of people about, just because I didn't know what would be said. But, these things were confirmed through them, and I was thoroughly blessed.

So, yeah. I got baptized as a declaration when I was 16, and this time it was for repentance, and deliberate pursuit of the Lord:

Mark 1:4 "John came, baptizing in the desert region and preaching a baptism of repentence for the forgiveness of sins."

Acts 2:38 Peter said "Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins."

So, I am baptized. And now, I am off to bed.

And another thing...

The issue of abortion is so pulsating inside of me, I just need to process what is going on in my heart. Almost every day I have the same memory of when I was here 3 years ago and we did a silent-siege at the abortion clinic. This is where you line the property (not crossing the property lines) with red tape over your mouth that says "LIFE," representing the babies that have no voice to decide if they want to live. While we were there, someone pulled up to the clinic in a van, and out of their backseat, pulled out a huge gift bag, with a balloon attached. The balloon, now, this is at an abortion clinic, was bright yellow with a cartoon drawing of a baby's face, and the words, "Happy Birthday." After 3 years, I have not been able to shake that image.

Here are some thoughts I was journaling today:
~Herod ordered that the babies be killed (when he found out about the birth of Jesus, the Messiah), so as to destroy the Messiah. To protect his own kingdom. What's sad today is that we don't have to be forced to kill babies to protect an earthly kingdom. We, as a people, welcome, even embrace it. For we so much hold our kingdom in a high place. Nothing shall disrupt it's violent peace. Anger. People want silence for their guilt, and blood seems to be the only answer. We've come from a place where a ruler had to order the slaughter of that which could overthrow his flesh and own ways, to a place where people are fighting for the 'right' to murder babies.
Abortion really was once a devastation. The enemy has ordered, enforced, the death of the prophets and teachers, and dreamers, that will point to Jesus-the One to overthrow the kingdom of darkness, by manipulating the hearts of people to believe that life is a chance and that we have the right to pursue the 'opportunity' to be a parent, or not, without regard to life. The enemy has enforced this by telling us that our rights have been violated. The death penalty for the innocent is coming out of the heart that is trapped, is enslaved to something so dark, there seems to be no way out. We have become the enemy's voice in enforcing a law that babies be killed. Like anything, it was hard at first. He had to changed the laws. First he had to use people to enforce the death of babies, causing people to harden their hearts and over time, justify death. Now, we cry out for our right to death. By this, we prove that we have made change, that we have accomplished something, that we have conquered 'the system' and won the right to live only for ME.

Oh, the babies that will never get to laugh, or smile.

_________________________________
And now I am going to give a shout out to Tyler. What up Tyler? Tyler is one of my best friends, and he was adopted. Tyler, within the redemptive work of the cross, is a walking fruit of efforts to preserve life. He is a very specific personality of Jesus that no one else has, and we as people with personalities and character's, come face to face with a character of God that no one else has. If his biological mother chose abortion, there would be a unique character of Jesus wiped out from our understanding of God. And, to date, Tyler has 699 friends on Facebook. Which is pretty amazing, I think. I cannot imagine 699 people not having had the chance to partake of Jesus' personality, blessing, and glory, because of abortion. Tyler, I bless you, I bless your biological mom, and your mom that imparted the spirit of adoption to you.

May we, who labor against abortion, labor for adoption. Be willing to adopt, if you are willing to stand up against abortion. Otherwise you are asking already hopeless mothers to find hope in something that may not be hope at all, if people are not willing to adopt. Because we cannot give women purpose for saving their babies' lives if no one will be there to embrace and welcome these children. It's sad that death seems the better option over handing babies over to the state. So, pray life, speak life, be life.

YWAM + IHOP = YWHOP

So, once again, the past couple of days have been pretty powerful. I have absolutely wept, and laughed, from the very core of my soul. And once again, I cannot share all the details, but they will come about over time. I am just waiting on further instruction from God.

Sunday morning at church was powerful beyond my ability to explain. Lou Engle spoke, and his heart was totally turned upside down by events in our nation, and especially in California. There was a girl that gave a really powerful testimony regarding a worship team. The team of about 12, went to a homosexual community, not to preach, but to just worship God. This group just wanted to bring the presence, the love of God, to a broken and hurting people. What ended up happening was an angry mob broke out, even though there was no preaching. This speaks of how spiritual a matter it was. While they were worshiping, the presence of God came and there was a light shining down from heaven into their circle where they were worshiping. But it wasn't long until there were hundreds of people surrounding them, throwing hot coffee at them, hitting and kicking them. Eventually the police, then the swat team was called because their very lives were in danger. The group had to be escorted home by the swat team, and someone took a video that is still burning in my heart. There were people screaming and yelling things like "you Christians, shame on you!" The girl who gave the testimony talked about how she could sense the very real power of the 2 worship movements, as the mob broke out in singing "we will overcome." May heart still aches, I have no words to express what this did to my heart.

The rest of the time, Lou talked about abortion. Which totally stirred my heart with an even more fiery passion. He went a little into settling issues about when is a baby, really a baby. Well, Lou went on to point out that when Jesus was just a zygote in Mary's womb, John jumped in his mothers womb at the very presence of the ZYGOTE BABY JESUS. A baby is considered fully alive and well in the sight of God the second he/she is conceived. So, President Obama. This truly could be the finest hour for the Church in America, if she will see that the shedding of innocent blood is not okay. May we take our place in the heavenlies with prayer and fasting, to see that our nation is led by one who fears God. Lou said this, and I was wasted for a while, "With these elections, there has been an offering of babies." "We have got to stay true to conviction, rather than making people happy." This is a quote by Abraham Kuyper that he shared:
-When principles that run against your deepest convictions begin to win the day, then battle is your calling, peace has become sin, you must, at the price of dearest peace, lay your convictions bare before friend and enemy, with all the fire of your faith.-

Peace has become sin. To make people happy, we are embracing homosexuality which opposes God's divine order, and being tolerant of abortion which says that God is not the author of life, and we just want to live our lives for ourselves. Again, I am not saying that we don't love people who struggle with these things. The heart of God is to see all set free and to freely receive His love, but that is impossible without recognizing the need for redemption. Friends, may we please love with all of our hearts, according to the will and authority of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Creator God.

The Lord brought up some other major things, that hit me so powerfully, which I cannot go into detail about these things. I literally sat in my car and wept for a half hour or so.

Now, on a much lighter note, I got to attend a thanksgiving dinner that night (top 2 pix, playing Taboo). I had so much fun! Fellowship was AWESOME, we played games, and just enjoyed each other's stories. I had a neat experience, when we were sitting at the table talking about things we felt called to do, I felt led to mention a very specific thing that I have yet to tell anyone. As I was sharing it, my friend Jose told me about a book describing a man who does the EXACT thing that I just explained...in fact he is an Ihoper and just had coffee with Jose that week. Sorry, that, too, I do not get to share with you just yet.

Today was my Sabbath. I did the usual, cleaning, grocery, ya know. I got to go to an Arbonne party this evening, which was so cool, and so much fun. It was hosted by Caron Massey from YWAM, and the lady who was presenting Arbonne, was a lady that was actually in the very first DTS ever (now remember, there are over 800 bases worldwide that run 1-2 DTS' a year). It was a pretty awesome experience for me, she really encouraged me and called out a lot of my qualities and built me up. She spoke some wonderful things over me and even said that she wanted to stay in contact with me. I just feel incredibly honored. I wasn't star-struck, but definitely in awe that I had a foundational YWAMer validating my call as a leader and missionary. She thoroughly blessed me with an Arbonne grab-bag, too! The bottom 2 pix are of Caron and then me. Caron makes these sunglasses and sells them (Mom, you would LOVE them, they would more than make up for your lost Wubba's that Charlie Tuna is wearing!).

I want to say that I still claim myself to be a YWAMer and an IHOPer...or a YWHOPer. I carry them both. And my Spirit is starting to connect with both of these in a much deeper way.

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST: My finances are suffering. My late employer was about a month late submitting my health insurance information to the Cobra plan that I have to purchase, and so now I am stuck paying for 2 months at once, which is about $600. I absolutely had to pay it to get a couple prescriptions refilled...which leaves me out of money. I am expecting a couple of checks, one of them being a pretty significant one, but it still won't cover my rent and other various things (like food) that I will need.

~If you so choose to bless me in this, my address is 3304 East 107th Terrace, Kansas City Mo, 64137

Bless you all!

Creator God

Yesterday was Erica's last day here in KC. :( BUT, we will see each other soon, I am sure.

Yesterday was also the Omega course, which, as always, was incredible. I am being more and more convicted about this whole forerunner thing. I truly was created for this message, but I have much to learn. Like Mike Bickle said during service tonight, forerunners aren't trained in a day. It does take seasons. So, that's the time I entered into with Intro...and I think training will continue on for a while, whatever that looks like.

Service tonight was amazing. It started out with worship, and they asked if anyone needed healing to stand up. So, I did. A guy from class was praying for me, and he spoke directly into a situation I had just been journaling about that moment. It actually, really opened the door for something, and I can feel the Lord really wanting to get at my heart. So, we will see what happens, but I know that the enemy is mad that I am contending for healing. And some people probably think I am crazy. But God chose the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. I love 1 Corinthians 1:21 that says, "For since in the wisdom of God the world through it's wisdom did not know him, God was PLEASED through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe." God loves it when we believe the unthinkable. When we go against human intellect, understanding, and logic, to believe that He will do what He says He will. Because, ha, it often does go against logic. He never goes against divine order, but He LOVES to fascinate His children. So, I want to be fascinated by Him alone, He created me SO THAT I would be fascinated in Him! Which is why He gave us the desire to be fascinated, so that we would fulfill it in Him. He's not greedy or prideful, He created us to receive the fullness in Him!

I read this today in Deep Unto Deep: His desire is for me. There is an intimacy, a 'union,' or a 'marriage,' that only arises from the chamber of my heart. The knowledge of God is different for every heart. Every discovery of God is distinctively portioned and appointed for the person that discovers it and cannot be given away to others. One soul cannot say to another, 'Look what I found in God! Here, take it for your own heart!' For God reveals Himself to one heart according to the intricate details that only Creator knows of creature. Down through all the corridors and crevices of the heart, He makes Himself known in sweet discovery...leaving the soul to always be somewhat alone and separated from others in this revelation...yet forever holding this secret place of communion with its God. In this way, he marries us to Himself in holy union, and no angel or demon, neither life nor death, nor any created thing can separate us from Him.... He is joining our hearts to His in ways never to be fully comprehend or experienced by another. For the same characteristic of God-when woven together with one person, involving that person's individual fashioning, frame, emotional make-up, perceptions and understanding-creates an entirely different reality than another person's encounter with the same quality of God. In this way, He marries Himself to each soul...and no 'marriage' looks the same... What one heart finds in Him is so different than what another discovers, yet none less true...Just as He did not create generically, He does not love generically...For one, He paints a sunset; for another He conducts a thunderstorm. To the heart in need of deliverance, He shows Himself powerful, and to the broken and bruised soul, He shows His immeasurable tenderness.

He is such a good God.

Kentucky, Gideon, and the Massey's

Erica came to class this morning, and class ended up being day-o-prayer and testimony. The Spirit just highlighted testimonies that needed to be told, and then people that needed prayer. It was awesome, Corey came and prayed for Erica, and her heart was really encountered by the the Lord. It was beautiful.

During our small group briefing, I was telling some of my friends about Kentucky being a city of refuge in the end-times, that there is going to be a house of prayer, and how I knew I was going to be a part of it. Kris points at the white board diagonally behind me and says, "so, did you write that up there?" I was like, "huh?" and what I saw was this first picture.
Haha. That was pretty amazing.

That evening, Erica and I were invited over the the Massey's house for dinner. Mike and Caron Massey were part of the DTS that Erica and I were on 3 years ago. We finally had our debriefing, ha. It was really amazing. I am actually not allowed to talk about some of the stuff that we were allowed in on. But I can say that I am really excited, and wondering once again what God is doing. That's all I am saying.

The dog's name is Gideon. Yup. He was sweet. He loved me. The Massey's had a family from Kona, Hawaii staying with them, and we got blessed to share a meal with them. The gooey clear, yet brown noodley stuff in the bottom picture is supposedly a Hawaiian noodle dish, or something like that. It was very delicious, but slippery. I couldn't keep it on my fork. Ha. It was fun. I forgot the name of the guy who cooked it, but his idea of welcoming guests is to make fun. So one of the first questions out of his mouth after Erica and I told him we were on the Massey's DTS was, "So, are you guys Christians? You don't look like Christians." Ha. I cracked up.

We had a great evening, loving on each other. They prayed for each of us, wholehearted prayers. We both left very very blessed. Erica leaves for Arkansas tomorrow morning, and I am sad to see Snugglepoo off. BUT...she will be in Louisville soon. I know it. This week we have been talking about her moving to Louisville...A LOT. We have both felt for a while that she would. Well, it was prophesied over her last night that she would live in a city of refuge. I'm just saying. That's awesome.

Oh, and I want to let everyone in on something I discovered. I am calling the "Your-awesome-I'm awesome-theory." If someone makes you laugh, or smile, or really, whatever you want, just laugh and say "you're awesome" and 9 times out of 10 they will say, "no, you're awesome!" It's really fun. You get to make someone feel awesome, and they make you feel awesome.

Well, I am getting up earlier than usual tomorrow to see Erica off. Night!
PS You're AWESOME!!!

Joy in the JPR

Today was rather fun. Then intense. And now I sit in bed, wondering how it's all related.

The day started with our second lesson on the prophetic lifestyle. At the end of the class the teacher asked if there were people in the room who would like to prophesy over everyone else. Well, something the Lord has been showing me through the Spirit and through others, is that I am supposed to be doing this regularly. So, I got up. The teacher split us up into 2 teams, and he would pick out a person, and we would prophesy over them. I did feel kinda small next to everyone else, they had awesome words, and mine were kinda muffled, messy, and short. But I figured that I have to learn somewhere. Confidence did rise up in me that I could do this more often. Fun fun fun.

We had our day in the Justice Prayer Room today, and I think today was probably the funnest day I have had in either of the prayer rooms. Basically, they started singing about joy, and the singers were just having FUN. You could see that the room was unified, and we were all singing to each other. At one point, one of the singers...very joyfully with a big smile on his face, sang the words "I feel the Lord saying..." and a guy behind me not even thinking about it just yelled out "what do you hear the Lord saying?" It was hilarious! People were clapping and dancing (the video). There really was a lot of joy in the room, and it felt safe.

We had small group tonight, and Erica and I went expecting to watch the Excellencies of Christ. Instead, it ended up being a 3-hour prayer meeting for those who needed healing. The Lord really encountered our hearts. I had a couple of things spoken over me that I am still processing, and soaking in. Really, I just want to get everything that I can while I am here.

I would say that the theme of my time her thus far, has been how good God is. For various reasons, I have felt so strongly that I have to work for God's love (and most of us do). Even when I deal with it, God reveals another area to me where I think I have to work for His love. Oh, but God loves to love us freely. A friend was praying over me that the reason the Lord is allowing my journey to take so long is for the intimacy. He wants to be close to me, He wants to walk with me in it. That confirmed a lot of stuff He has been speaking directly to me. It's so hard to really soak that in...that the King of Kings and Lord of Lords just wants to be with you. How do you take that in, without taking time to take it in? You don't. You have to receive it. And to receive it, you have to let yourself be untrained of your skewed vision of God. To let yourself be untrained, means you have to give up your rights to yourself, especially pride. And to get rid of pride means to see yourself as God sees you. And to see yourself as God sees you is to know who God is based on the specific personality that He gave only to you.

It also just so happened that I read this today in "Deep Unto Deep" by Dana Candler:

"He honors the way that we receive, the way that we hear and the way that we understand. He loves and agrees with what He created in each one, and as unique as each person is is the uniqueness of how He reveals His love to each individual heart. We must become students of His "way" with us that we might more quickly recognize and receive His affections and leadings. His "way" with me, or the way that He relates to me, flows out of the very specific way that He formed me. Knowing His way with our hears involves knowing ourselves, with our own personal rhythms and frames. Let us consider this. If He relates to me according to the limitations of my frame and the capacity of my heart and mind, are not those specific details of my person worth studying? And if truly there resides within me a beautiful mystery of Jesus, indeed a very reflection of His heart, and every part of my creation points to it, will I not do well to peer in to the way He has formed me-the intricacy of my frame-so that I might discover and understand what He has desired to reveal of Himself withing me?"

Can we commit to knowing and loving who Jesus is inside of us? I long to do such a thing, because Jesus longs to make Himself to be known through me. Katie Kohrs. From, well, who knows where? Germany? Kentucky? The girl who was scared to death of plastic spiders as a kid? The girl that would get so nervous around people that I couldn't speak? I feel like God choosing weak and broken people is risky business, but I love that He does it. Because I get to be a part of history of God, that actually is eternal.

God works with your 'yes.' Just say it. Or at least say that you are willing to be willing to say 'yes.' He likes that, too.

A long journey, and still not home...

Well, I am finally back in Kansas City.

Last Wednesday afternoon, I headed out for the long journey to Sopchoppy, Florida. I will say that it was awesome. I spent 6 hours in the car singing along to Disney soundtracks and drinking coffee. I stayed with Erica and her Grandma in Harrison, Arkansas. Bright and early the next morning, we headed out for Sopchoppy. It was quite the adventure. We saw beautiful countryside, along with some other randomness. Like these massive semi-trucks carrying airplane wings. There was also the random house that was being transported. I think the highlight of the driving journey, was the peanut festival. It was packed. We didn't go, but driving past you would have thought it was some sort of world-renown event. Ferris-wheels, traffic police, funnel cakes. It was wild. We also got a good laugh out of the fact that a piece of orbitz gum was 50 miles on our map, so we measured distances in orbitz gum...that is, until I ate the last piece.

We arrived in Sopchoppy around 2am Friday morning. We stayed at Clinton's (the groom) aunt and uncles house. They were so nice, and basically made us feel so at home. It was funny, too, because my friend Adam informed me that Clinton is the cousin of his old roommate in college. Now, that was pretty crazy, especially because I was in Adam's wedding last summer. But what was even funnier, was that I didn't realize until like 20 hours after we arrived, that we were actually staying in his parents' house. Ha. We also got to connect with another girl from YWAM. Savannah was also just recently married, and it was so great to catch up, and be in the company of sisters from an incredibly journey.

Jess was such a beautiful, confident, bride, and Clinton was a clear vision of a man in love, no doubt that he was marrying the woman of his dreams. It was beautiful.

Erica drank coffee at the wedding reception. Erica never drinks coffee. So, she was wired. She put the bug in my ear that we should go ahead and leave for Kentucky that night. "Aiiiigghhhht" was my response. So, with much more coffee, and lots of music, we headed out. I was super excited. I have been so homesick, and God was good to provide for this trip.

Driving down South Watterson Trail created much joy inside of me. There is so many reasons why, but I have never been this in love with home than I am right now. I am just so thankful for home. I love my family, my friends, home. I got to hold my beautiful baby niece Madison. My Grandma and Aunt came to visit, and friends stopped by. Monday morning Erica and I headed out to my favorite coffee shop to hang out with friends. Oh, I want that time back right now. It was so sweet and so good. I also got to see Lisa Marie! That was a highlight, for sure! That time also convicted Erica even more that she is going to move to Louisville eventually!

Jesus has been with me. The Father has been blessing me. The Holy Spirit, wow, oh, gee, the Holy Spirit is awaiting my response to His calling, awaiting and ready to bust forth something huge. You guys. I belong to God. He is mine, and I am His. I was even in the Pure Heart program tonight, and this lady sang a song over me, a song about belonging to Him, and how just one glance from me melts His heart.

This week's teachings are about the prophetic and healing. At this point, I think I am just going to have to teach, because my days are so packed, and then to come home and write everything I learned is such a task. I love it, but sleep seems to be hard to come by around here. So I am going to go and get some of that.

Here is a link to some of my vacation photos:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=84732&l=dda56&id=503796489

And if this works, this is a video of the cutest baby in the world!

Sopchoppy

So, I realized that I never did write about what my secret was. I guess I need to tell you all. I am coming to Louisville! I will be coming with Erica on Sunday evening, spending time with the fam, and then meeting whomever wants to come at Sunergos on Monday morning at 8am! Just so you know!

I am presently in Sopchoppy, Florida. It's great. I am hanging with Erica a lot, and getting excited about Jess getting married tomorrow, and I got to see my other YWAM friend Savannah. We had the rehearsal dinner tonight, and getting ready to go to bed now, for the wedding tomorrow! This lovely picture is Jess' mom, she found this massive grasshopper on the ground and proceeded to take it around and scare the living crap out of her sister. Ha, she got scolded. So. Louisville, Monday morning. Peace.

Pray, pray, Beloved, pray

There is an excitement that I can not unfold...just yet. But, I will before I head out to Florida on Thursday morning. So, those of you who know...you know who you are...don't spill the beans yet.

So, I am really pumped today. I have class tomorrow and Wednesday and drive out to Florida for Jess and Clinton's wedding! I figured since my body is still wide awake at night, I will leave after small group, drive to Arkansas, crash at Erica's place, and then head out for our 14 hour trek to Sopchoppy. Awesome!

Today, I had lunch with Jackie Shepherd, who basically ran my YWAM DTS (if you don't remember, Youth With A Mission, Discipleship Training School). It was fabulous. We talked for 2 1/2 hours about what God was doing in the world, and in our lives, and how to live that out in loving others. I was so encouraged.

We both sat in awe, of how scary things will turn if Obama is elected. He seems like a good choice, people are mesmerized by him...but I guess that is what scares me. When you look at some of the stuff he would allow in our nation, ugh, I shudder to think what can happen. Legalized abortion is going to deepen the devastation of the hearts of the American people. Death always does. And a generation of blood accepted openly by our government and laws, how do we think it can be okay? Because babies aren't being killed with guns or by 'force' it doesn't make it any less death. There is only dead, or alive. If 'free choice' is put into action, then probably what will happen is that crisis pregnancy centers will be illegal, because they will 'violate' laws. I was talking to a friend the other day about how one compromise in our government, like ANYTHING ELSE, only leads to another, and then another. And the family order that God set in place is being attacked by the enemy, through 'tolerance.' So, at this point, some of you may have stopped reading this, others are really ticked, and some are like, preach it. But friends, we, as a nation, will carry the burden of the sin our leadership implements. So, whomever is elected is tomorrow, we must pray for God to encounter their hearts. If 'free choice' and gay marriage are to be embraced by our nation, we must tune in and listen to the leading of the Holy Spirit, and pray for Him to change our leader, to establish the Love of God in their heart so that that our nation will be led by one who fears God. One who leads well doesn't just give the people what they want, they give what flows out of the heart of God, and our God is God of order. I understand that both candidates are sketch, but when it comes to life and God's divine order, we must chose life over death.

And a note, also, to say that we should 100% love women who have had abortions. I cannot even begin to understand what the pain in their heart would feel like. No condemnation in Christ. I have to talked to women who have had abortions, and you see the regret in their eyes. My heart breaks for them. I pray that God would use me to love them. Jackie was telling me how these next seasons are going to require us to be radical witnesses. The enemy is attacking our ability to love, so we need to love all, and with the Love of God (which, holds no account of wrongs, is patient, kind, long-suffering...read 1 Cor. 13). Not condemn, or fight against someone, but love them. It took people loving me to get my heart right with God, so how dare I, or we as believers, withhold that love from someone who hurts and as a result of being confused, made bad choices.

Fun

So, I was trying to upload a video to my blog, which really is just audio, of my prophetic word. Yeah, I can't get it to work. So, for now, here are some great pictures I took on a country trip today. And this last one, well, I sort of ate some spicy tuna that my tongue couldn't handle. So I put a cracker on it to cool it off. Ha.

Oh, where to begin???

I just have to settle the issue that I cannot even being to write out everything that God is doing. I just cannot do it. But I can promise you that I will never be the same. When you encounter God, you are chemically transformed.

One of my biggest struggles with God is receiving what He says about me. But He has made it very clear to me that I am here to receive from Him. Well, the Lord has been telling me a lot of things these past few days. Things about who He created me to be. Things about my future. Things about the future. There are things He is searing into my soul that are in a dimension un-writeable. I will just say that it is really impacting my heart that I was not created for myself, for a life that fits nicely into a house with a white-picket fence, a soccer-mom van, and 2 1/2 kids and a dog. Which, I may have those things, but my purpose and value in life is not defined by those things. It's such a humbling thing to recognize that Eternity is awaiting you. To reign and rule with the "star breathing God," as Louie Giglio puts it. The forerunner in me has been awaiting to be birthed, and it's happening. This thing in me is starting to breathe. It's life is recognizable to me in a way I have never seen it before.

Just in this past week, God told me that I needed to really read and study the Word. That there is something very specific about me reading the Word (more on this in the future). I must do it. How do you feed others without the Bread of Life? So, He told me to 'eat the scroll.' I think that is from Jeremiah. It's really time to meditate on it. Another area that God has been inviting me to commune with Him, is in singing the Word. Well, I don't actually really even like my voice that much. It's not a singing voice, I promise. But the Lord reminded me of when I was a little girl, I would sing all the time. I would just sing about what I was doing. Washing dishes, taking a shower, walking, swinging at the playground...I would make up songs. After I encountered the Holy Spirit, I noticed that I had songs inside of me that would pierce my own heart when I sang them, often I would fall on my knees and cry. But for whatever reason, I guess the lack of natural gifting, I stopped singing to Jesus. Well, that changed...yesterday. I was at the park (which is where the pictures are from) and I heard one word in my Spirit, and God told me to sing it. So I opened my mouth to sing it, and a whole phrase around that one word came out. And of course, revelation hit me. And so, I decided it was time to start singing again. Ha, one of the many names for Ihop is the 'Singing Seminary.' Because we sing the Word, and that's how we learn it.

Today the whole Intro class was assigned to go into the prophecy rooms. Honestly, I didn't expect much, because everyone keeps giving me the same word. That I am here to rest, to hear God's voice...all that stuff. Well, it was much different than I expected. I was told that I would speak words that unify the church. That I would be like a painter who is painting a deck with a finish. The finish makes it shiny, but also makes it resistant to bad weather. That's what my words will do for the church. That I will have a voice to settle disputes in the church. One lady, who actually cried as she gave me this word, said that I had the gift of the Spirit of Counsel, wisdom beyond my years. That I would lay a foundation for young girls in the knowledge of God. I was also told that I was created with much creativity and expression. The guy said that he saw that I was holding back my expression, but that I was created to use it, to speak and to express. There was a lot more, so if you are interested, you'll just have to hear the tape. Elizabeth and I listened to my old tape that I got a couple of weeks ago (we found a tape player that works) and it was SOO STINKING FUNNY. Jesus is just so funny with me. One of the words I got was that God is fine-tuning my ability to hear His voice, like when you have a radio and you are turning the dial to find the right station. Well, what was so funny was that the tape wasn't working right, and the voices were really sloooooooooooooow, and deeeeeeeep. So Elizabeth and I were barely able to keep our eyes open because we were laughing so hard. I said something that was really funny, I wish I could share it, but I forgot what it was. Haha.

Anyway, when we came out of the prophecy rooms, and to my amazement, Misty Edwards was sitting at the keyboard. I got so excited, because she hasn't been in the prayer room for quite some time. And she was just randomly there. She sang a 2-hour set by herself, and it was simply amazing. It ministered to me so much. She was singing exact phrases and concepts that God and I have been talking about the past couple of weeks. Here are some of them:

All I want to do is find you, all I want to do is stay there when I do (I have been telling Jesus that for a while now, especially this season)
Pearl of great price (prophesied over me about 3 weeks ago)
Mercies new every morning (prophesied yesterday that that verse was for me to get, and wake up to every morning)
I will offer up to you my brokenness because what you see in me is my only confidence (I am getting revelation of this now)
You clothe me in righteousness (yesterday, there is a story, but it pertains to this specific season I am in)
What does love look like, I've been pondering (um, there are entries in my journal, just asking God what does love really look like?)
In the midnight hour, go out to meet Him (I've been up in the midnight hours unable to sleep)
I'm looking for a friend to read the Book
Somebody tell them I'm coming!
Eat the scroll! Take a decade or two and eat the scroll!
He is the answer, we need a judge! (I've been asking God to judge my unrighteousness, so that I can be pure).

So, tonight's teaching on end-times was a lot about singers, musicians...and songwriters. And how they are the 'tip of the arrow' that will pierce the enemy. I didn't think it had anything to do with me. But then God reminded me of the songs. That there are songs so deep inside of me. They had a time of prayer for worship leaders, including song-writers, so I went up. And I never felt more like myself, than being in the company of worshipers. It was awesome. A woman came and prayed/prophesied over me. And what did she say? That I was to eat/digest the Word. Then God gave me some specifics of things that I am supposed to do/read to bring this to life.
I really do just want Jesus. The teaching last night was about how we can't just pursue love. We have to pursue Jesus, and the love follows. Pursuing Jesus is where we are filled with love. The Man Jesus. I have to know Him. Nothing else is going to satisfy me. Not Ihop, not Louisville, not family, not friends (I love you guys!). Just Jesus. Everything else is bonus. I am just seeing something that I have never seen before. About me, about people, about life, about what is really going on, and I am being reminded of so many promises that God gave me several years ago. Wow, He is so good. And I just see that there is so much change coming. Love it.

So, here is a fun video I took while out on a walk. I laughed. God is funny with me.

Just in case you decide to read this Keith, I hope you had a happy birthday!